Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Kinda down

I had a nice xmas. Got a game, some dvd's, a scarf, and a pretty mounted butterfly. Went out to eat chinese with friends, it was the only place open. It was very crowded. I think that should be a hint to other restaurants, that people still need to eat on holidays. They could make good money.

Last night and today I've been kinda down. Not like depressed or moping, just a tinge of sadness. I suppose it's loneliness. Another year spent alone. I don't think there's anyone out there for me. Or if there is, we'll never have the lucky chance of meeting. It weighs on me.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Song time!

... raindrops on roses and whiskery kittens...
...bright copper kettles and warm wooly mittens...
...scared girls on mattresses tied up with string...
...these are a few of my favorite things...

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Just a note

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their consciences.
-- C. S. Lewis

Sunday, December 18, 2005

It's almost here!

That's right!  It's almost... Wookiee Life Day!

Anyone else ever see that horrid xmas special from the 70's, or was it just me?

Anyway, got all my shopping done, most of my presents wrapped, and everything's ready to go.  All that's missing is a slave to do simply awful things to in celebration of the holiday season.  oh well, can't have everything, I guess.

Just when a slave would be most handy, too!  My yard guy disappeared off the face of the earth, so now my yard is buried under a thick drift of dead leaves.  I like leaves, but this is ridiculous.  I'm reluctant to pick just anyone from the phone book, because most of them charge an arm and a leg for leaf removal.  Hundreds of dollars.  Do it myself, you say?  Hmph.  What's the fun in that?

I got a couple pictures of my tree, but they didn't turn out too good.  The color is washed out.  It kinda glows hot pink in the dark, but in these pictures it just looks kinda bluish purple.

Thursday, December 8, 2005

I did it again

Just finished another story, yaaay. It's a short one. Wrote it on a whim. It's all about love.. sorta.

It was supposed to snow last night and I was looking forward to it, but all I got was sleet. It kinda looks like snow if you squint, but it's not real snow. It's Fool's Snow.

I only need a few more things to finish up my holiday shopping and I'm done, wheee!

Monday, December 5, 2005

Crunchy Leaves, Trees in the Morning

Leaves! Everywhere, leaves! Great big drifts of em. Noisily crunching as I walk to the car. The weather has taken a distinctly wintery turn.

With that in mind, I got a xmas tree. A fake one, of course. I hadn't meant to, not today, anyway. I just went out for some cigarettes and ended up going to three different places in search of a tree. I could only find one white one, and it's a little larger than I wanted. It'll have to do. I just hope I got enough ornaments and lights. Now I get to put it together. Stay tuned..

I just finished putting my tree together. It took a couple of hours. It always takes longer than you'd expect with those fake ones; fluffing up those metal branches takes a while. I'm dissatisfied with the green wire on the white tree, but it's all I could find, so it'll have to do. While I was at the store, I made a note to remember to get ornament hooks, then I promptly forgot. Now I find I'm bereft of hooks. Hookless.

I don't know if I'll get the outside lights put up this year. It turned cold pretty fast, and I don't much relish the thought of going up and crawling around on the roof when it's 30 degrees out. I'm a creature of comfort. Yesterday I went to a craft fair and got some pretty baubles to add to my already cluttered shelves. One can never have enough nick-nacks.

The windchimes are tinkling.

Monday, November 14, 2005

blustery day

It's pouring down rain with wall-shaking thunder outside.  Sheets of rain in a strong wind.  The street is a river of dead leaves.  Quite impressive, really.  November is usually pretty damp here.  I don't mind that so long as it's it not a frigid damp.

I've been having long streams of strange dreams lately.  But as strange as they are, they just slip away shortly after waking.  Usually, I can remember the stranger ones for a while.  For instance, the other night I had some dream about this woman who was kidnapping these other women, forcing them to wear girdles, and I suspect she intended to make them into manniquins after skinning them alive.  I think I was one of her victims.  Anyway, a bunch of stuff happened that is too ethereal to recall, but I remember a car chase.  The police caught her, but in an act of vengeance they tormented her instead of arresting her.  They stuffed her a small cardboard box, no bigger than a suitcase, filled it in with crepe paper, and wrapped it all up in duct tape.  Then they disguised it as a large stereo and put on a shelf.  I remember playing with the knobs and dials on the top, and I guess the headphones were in on her ears, because when you turned up the volume, you could hear the faint and very muffled screams of pain get louder inside.  Almost loud enough to be heard of the music.  I guess that counts as a happy ending. Very odd.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


I got a little craft-happy today.  I seldom have any sort of halloween decoration, other than a pumpkin, but this year I wanted a ghost.  So I went to the fabric store and got a couple yards of cheap cotton (because the only old bedsheets I have have flowers or designs on them, and that just doesn't look right on any self-respecting ghost).  With that, an old bath towel, some twigs for arms, and a bunch of twine, I made a decent ghost.

The hard part was getting onto the roof in order to throw a weighted bit of twine over a high tree branch.  Then I hoisted the thing up.  It's a little funny-looking with a lumpy, lopsided head, but I like it. 

... in this town we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song...

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Hooray for Halloween

I got a couple new Bratz dolls. A friend of mine says they're little hoochie dolls, and apparently her opinion is shared by many, but I think they're cute.

I also got some new shoes that are supposed to be really comfy, but they dig in just so.  Really starts to hurt after a while.  I suppose it's just matter of breaking them in, but I dunno which will break in first, the shoes or my feet.

I watched a marathon of World's Scariest Places today.  They equip people with cameras and things and send them into haunted places at night.  Good stuff.  Who knows how much of it is faked or real, but I really get a kick out of those sorts of shows.  There used to be several shows like that a few years ago, but then 9/11 happened and they were all cancelled.  I guess they figured people didn't want to see anything scary anymore.  Hmph.

I got a pumpkin! It's sitting outside, looking very orange. I hope no one smashes it.

Friday, October 14, 2005


The moon is bright and mostly full.  The air is cool.  I went for a walk and an opossum crossed my path.  And I'm sad.

A friend of mine is having to close her great bdsm-related journal site (a journal that made me feel I knew her before I even met her) for fear of government intrusion that could make her lose her job.  It's not the cause of the quotes in my previous post, but it's the same reason. 

Oh, I wish, I wish it wasn't like this.  I wish we lived in a world where we were truly free to pursue happiness, wherever we found it.  Even if I had millions of dollars, enough to make any fantasy come true, I would still have to live in fear and total secrecy because my interests aren't American enough, or religious enough, or politically correct enough, or mainstream enough, or hetero enough, or whatever reason anyone could have for judging another person and limiting his or her personal freedom.  Even limiting the freedom to express oneself.  It makes one feel so powerless.

Here's an image they can't censor.

Thursday, October 6, 2005

Feeling My Oats

What a strange expression that is.

Anyway, I feel great today. It's very fallish outside and the windchimes have been tinkling all day. I love the sound of dead leaves skittering across the ground.

Got some good, personal news. My sister finally got to check out her house in New Orleans. Aside from a couple missing shingles, it was completely unharmed. That's pretty lucky. Well, the driveway gate was damaged, but that was from a National Guard truck accidentally backing into it.

The wind just picked up again :shivers of delight:

Quotes of the day:
"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master." -- Pravin Lal

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -- Thomas Jefferson

Friday, September 30, 2005


Hmm haven't written in a while. I get like that. I just feel foolish sometimes when all I have to write about is the weather... it's so very exciting, you know! Speaking of the weather (ahem), Fall finally arrived. It's all cold out and I need a space heater down here. Just last week I was bitching about the heat and humidity, and all the sudden it's cold. It reminds me of one of the animated transitions in Monty Python's Holy Grail.. the one with the guy under the tree. "And winter gave spring and summer a miss and went right on into fall" *whump*

But that's fine, because Fall is my favorite season, and October my favorite month. I feel energized, rejuvenated.. and kinda fat.

That last hurricane, Rita, went right overhead last week. Of course, by the time it got here it was just a depression, but it got as windy as it ever gets here and it poured down rain for a day or two.

I got a friend a present: some ruffle butt rhumba panties, ruffledy socks, and fluffy puffball ponytai holders - all in pink. It's just too cute. All that was missing was the coloring books. Maybe another time. heehee

Evil Dolly's Movie Recommendation of the Day: If you liked Nightmare Before Christmas, you'd probably like Corpse Bride. I really enjoyed it. On the down side it ended a little abruptly, and the songs weren't as memorable as Nightmare, but it's special in its own way. And besides, the corpse bride herself is really hot.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Blood? Why?

A friend just called to ask me to a movie, but I had to decline. Just not feeling up to it. Which is a shame, cause I would like some nachos...

And just a few minutes ago, I went to turn on the sprinkler, and must have stepped on something. I was just sitting here and noticed the sole of my foot was itchy, and I looked down to find blood all over my foot. That's always startling. It was just a tiny little cut and had already stopped bleeding. Dunno where all that blood came from.

So a while back I got a dvd burner, because my data cd's were just getting way out of hand.  You can fit like 7 cd's onto one dvd, so it seemed like a viable alternative.  I've been having lots of techno-confusion trying to figure out how to do it right.  That is to say, make the discs readable on drives other than the one that wrote it, cause if that drive breaks, then nothing else would be able to read all of the precious, stored data.  I've gone through about 25 discs, and they aren't exactly cheap.  Today I figured I try using a different kind of dvd (there are lots of kinds) and I went to Best Buy and got a spindle full.  Got to feeling a little queasy in Linens'n'Things (I was looking at new squishy pillows).  I've been getting that frequently from either the mysterious malady or the medicine I'm taking for it.  So I rush home, only to find that I bought a stack of cd's instead of dvd's.  Had to go back and exchange them and now I'm tired.  I'll find out in a few minutes if it was worth the effort.

Had a series of strange dreams last night.  In one I was taking a math test that didn't have a thing to do with math, with a bunch of essay questions.  I hate doing schoolwork in my sleep!  In another one I was in some kind of reunion being held in a movie theater lobby, and a woman who previously threatened me with a gun was trying to flirt with me.  And in another, people were fleeing fires everywhere... seems like most of the buildings were on fire.  Not engulfed in flames, just, ya know, little fires here and there.  I was hiding in a hotel and mold kept popping up everywhere.  Aggressive, chase-you-around kinda mold.  I was trying to burn patches of it off the walls with a cigarette lighter.  I think I grew wings somehow, cause I remember flying up the side of the hotel and looking down at the city, and everything was all covered in a thick blanket of fluffy mold.

Noooo!  The different disc didn't work, it can't even read it at all!   Aaaagh!

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Summer's Ending

It's getting cooler out at night. That makes going on walks much more pleasant. Soon the leaves will turn and cover the ground in crispy brown drifts. Already the acorns are dropping, and those guys really hurt when you walk on them barefoot. I'm a barefoot kinda person. I guess that means I'm southern, I dunno.

There's not much to be said about the hurricane thing that hasn't already been said. Just bad business all around. My sister still doesn't know the condition of her house. I've been watching *way* too much cable news. Screwed up my sleep I'd watch it so long, and then I had a couple nights of dreaming about strange flood scenarious. Who knew that'd happen?

Going to the doctor again tomorrow. Hopefully I can clear this dizzyness up. It's been plaguing me for a month. Just enough to be annoying, but not enough to cause real harm.

Evil Dolly's Pet Peeve of the Day: You know how when a recipe calls for a pound of beef? No problem nowadays. They have those pre-packaged, perfectly weighed meat tubes. Except for the stores that don't have them, and still use the standard meat-on-a-styrofoam-tray. Used to be if I needed a pound of meat, you could find one pretty close... 1.03 lb, .97 lb, 1.12 lb. Nowadays all I can ever seem to find is 1.79, or 1.43. They're forcing you to buy all that extra meat. And if you do buy it, your recipe ratios will be completely off. You have to adjust everything for a pound and a half, or whatever. I like my meat in precise increments!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Well, that's quite a mess down there. I have a certain connection to New Orleans, since I had relatives who just recently lived there and it was my father's favorite city. I'm like 500 miles north of NO, and I got an absolute downpour from the very outermost edge of the storm before the thing even hit land.. just to give people an idea of how big it was. Yesterday there was a constant wind all day long. Strange to think that the wind blowing my chimes was actually part of a hurricane. Hmm.

Today I'm in an irritable mood. I get like that sometimes. The slightest things make frustrated, which is unusual since most of the time I'm far too easy-going. Things like people following too closely in the movie store while jangling their keys, long lines, stupid drivers, half-naked men standing in the middle of the street. It's best if I just stay indoors and don't leave. Better yet to take it out on a slave and torture them cruelly.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Perfect Storm

I was out driving today when a big storm hit. For some reason I really like driving in a storm. It makes me giddy. I saw a couple lightning strikes not too far away. I had a craving for a tuna sub on wheat, but it was raining too hard and I didn't feel like getting wet. Later I was standing in the living room and watching the rain, while thinking how nice it all was. Thunder rumbled every few seconds. It was only noon, but it was so dark it looked to be late evening. It put me in mind of the archetypal storm you recall from childhood.. when you were stuck indoors, watching the rain fall and waiting for it to stop so you could go play. When you grow up, a rainy day is a good reason to stay inside and snuggle. Evil people can snuggle, too!

Just went for a walk and it was muggy, but a lot cooler than it has been for a while. There was a pretty blue and pale pink sunset. A toad crossed my path. That's good luck.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Smiling under gray clouds

Had a good party last night. Lots of talk, food, got to do a little beating. Good stuff.

The weather is odd at the moment. It's been super hot.. over 100 the past week. Right now it's in the evening and still 97. But it's strange out because there's a rumbly gray stormcloud overhead, but the sun is still shining from the west, so the trees are all bright and sunny under a gray sky. Couple of days ago it was pouring rain while still all sunny. Foxes hold their marriages on days like that, you know.

Global warming made my azaleas wilt!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Turtle Redux

This morning I went to take my trash can out to the curb, and sitting there behind it was that same baby turtle. Thinking that being in the middle of a spacious concrete patio is no place for a baby turtle, I took him and placed him under some shady railroad ties in the backyard, some 30 feet away.

Just now, as I put the trashcan back, I saw him again, back in the same place! Why is a baby turtle so interested in a patio that's bereft of organic life? I figured if he crawled all that way back, he must really like it there, so I didn't move him again. Some critters. Sheesh.

Finished writing a little story-ish kind of thing. A sort of horror-comedy satire on the care and keeping of pet zombies. It was just a funny idea I had and I went with it. I was pretty happy with it and it made me laugh, though I suspect it might be a touch on the disturbing side. Ah well.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Teensy Tortoise

Only a few minutes ago, I went out to move the sprinkler.  It's still hot and dry.  Below the hose faucet, I found a micro-turtle!  A tiny, baby turtle come out to drink from the faucet drippings.  Too cute!  I wonder what it eats?

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Been a While

I know I haven't written anything, but there just haven't been a huge amount of write-worthy things.  And when there are, I just haven't felt like writing.  I've been laaazy. 

It's been really hot here.  Of course, it's summer, and a certain amount of heat is to be expected.  Some rain would be nice.  Probably put on a pound or two just because it's too hot for any outdoor activity.  Even at night!  It's better to just lurk indoors with all the shades drawn.  The cicadas are having a blast, though.

I've had to deal with a spat of fakes lately.  That's left me feeling rather frustrated and upset.  And when I get like that, I get reclusive.

I finally got the new cage.. yay!  It's nice and sturdy.  It doesn't have much head room, but it's long and great to stretch out in.  Someone could stay in there for a nice, long while, I think.

Speaking of photos, sometimes I like to step outside and take photos of sunrises (I'm often up at that time of day).  Usually they come out terribly blurry, but sometimes I get a few good ones.  Here's a few from the past months:

Monday, July 11, 2005


Took a nap that went on too long. Had a dream of auditioning for a tv show or something like that that lasted a while, then it turned into me standing outside of my house. I saw a glow on the horizon that turned into a mushroom cloud. It kept getting closer and closer and I ran inside. Kept expecting it to come, but there wasn't any sound or anything. I checked back outside and there was a huge, water-filled crater like all the way up to my doorstep. I could see some of the buildings downtown poking out of the water. Oddly, the power was still on, as well as the internet connection, so I typed in a room something like 'Wow, a nuclear bomb went off, I'll bbl'. I got my mom out of bed to show her what had happened. We saw strange-looking, clear tornados overhead, but they didn't do anything. There was an army medical station that had been set up down the street, and I asked them if there was a radiation danger. They said yes, but wouldn't tell me exactly how much. Then a nurse made some off-color joke concerning radiation sickness and my brain must've thought 'Alright, enough of that,' and I woke up.

Still slightly disoriented, I turned on the tv and there was one of those plastic surgery shows on. This one featured a transsexual getting facial surgery I need, yet fear. It was all quite gruesome. So this evening is just chock-full of anxiety.

Monday, July 4, 2005

Ooh, the pain! Oh, the pain of it all!

That's my Dr.Smith impression. I had another laser thing. Oh my god. I wept freely. It was all I could to do not leap out of the chair and start using the thing on my torturer- I mean, the nurse. AAAAH! Holy cow, that was the worst yet. Hot knife through flesh. I sure hope it works this time.

At least I finished the casette tape project. Yay!

Just got back from watching the fireworks. A friend knows a friend who can get us on top of a tall apartment building downtown, right next to the bridge the fireworks are launched from. It's quite noisy. It always reminds me of the time I was a child and we were going back to our car after a show.. it started pouring down rain. The torrent washed loose one of my flipflops and it went floating rapidly away down the street, never to be seen again. Strange chain of thought moment: You know how sometimes you're walking along the street, and there's a lone shoe sitting in the street or on the sidewalk. Who did those shoes belong to? Was someone just strolling along and decided they didn't need their left shoe anymore? Did it fall off their foot while they were too preoccupied to notice? I wonder.

Thursday, June 30, 2005


happy dance, happy dance!

I finally finished my latest story. It took me a long time, with lots of stops and starts, but it's finally in the can. It ended up at well over a hundred pages, which is really long for kinky horror erotica. It's certainly the longest I've ever written. Despite its amazing length, I fear it will be rather boring to most people who are interested in these sorts of stories. It's primarily psychological. It's a real challenge to write a story of that length when it's only got about two people and takes place almost exclusively in two or three rooms of a house. But, if it's not a challenge, I suppose it's not worth writing.

No, that's not true. Sometimes the easiest writing is the best there is.

Hooray! It's done!

Monday, June 27, 2005

happy car

It's been a week and I'm still copying old cassette tapes. But I'm nearing the end. I'm down to just the few that still have tape covers to go with them.

The other day I went outside and saw the neighbor's cat sitting right next to the grave of my last cat, which I had buried in the backyard. It was a strange image.

Just got back from picking my car up, second time in a week, getting the last of the work it needed done. It has new window motors now, and they go up and down so smoothly. I hadn't even opened the passenger window since last November, not since it got stuck halfway open in the rain when I went to the polling place for the election. I was late and had to stand in line for a long time just because I had to wrestle the window closed.

It's a minivan. Yes, I drive a minivan. For some reason, that seems to confuse people. I'm not sure what I *should* be driving that would make more sense. I do like hondas, but since I live alone, it's just easier to have the space to haul stuff around at will without begging for a friend with a truck to help. You can't fit much in the back of a honda. Anyway, I guess people think it's the type of car a kidnapper might drive. It does have ample room for someone to be bound up in duct tape and struggling in the back. But really, do I strike anyone as the type to do that?

I mean, come on.



Monday, June 20, 2005

Darn song.. end already! Wait.. is this the next song?

Went for a little 'constitutional' this morning. There was dew all over the ground, making the grass look greenish gray. The fog was so heavy, everything just faded away. I walked past two bunnies. I passed a cute young woman in sweats delivering papers. From her open car door, Tool (aenima) blared. Rock on, Tool-girl!

Well, my sister's gone back home and the place is nice quiet and I can talk to myself and sing off key freely again. I have to take my car in to be fixed up later this morning. The electric windows are sticking, one of the side view mirrors fell out, and the left headlight's plastic cover has gone missing. You'd think I'd notice a headlight cover flying off while I was driving, but I didn't. Who knows where it is now. Poor car.

I'm still copying tapes to mp3. Got a couple dozen out of the way now... little less than halfway done. Back in the early 90's I used to enjoy new age music- well, I still do, but just not that often, and I haven't bought any in forever. The problem with a lot of these new age tapes is one song tends to blend into the other without many clear demarcations. And since they're mostly instrumental, the titles given to them make little to no sense. I mean, for instance, a song with nothing but taiko drums is pretty easy to pick out on a hypothetical new age tape as the one titled 'Bamboo Forest'. It sounds bamboo-ey. But when you have 20 minutes of what is supposed to be 7 tracks and it all sounds very similar, it's quite a challenge to pick out where 'Silver Dancing Ladies' ends and 'Moonlit Streams' begins. How am I supposed to know? What the heck does a silver dancing lady sound like, anyway? Well, apparently it sounds absolutely nothing like you'd expect. Very confusing. Did these artists actually have these titles in mind while composing, or was it just a thrown together afterthought made up like those sentance fragment fridge magnets?

The last resort is to just tape the whole side nonstop and title it as side A. But I just hate doing that. Part of the convenience of mp3's is being able to pick out one song and listen to it and not have to scan through 30 minutes of music to find it. Furthermore, I'm hardly anal-retentive but I do take a certain mental satisfaction in compartmentalizing things. My DVD's are arranged by genre, my books by author, and my porn into it's own little fetishes and niches. Heck, my Bondage folder alone has 13 directories, with 28 subcategories. It's just sort of a necessity when there's 1000's and 1000's of pictures. I'd never have a hope of find a specific sort of thing that I was looking for if I didn't have some basic sorting system. So anyway, this tendancy makes me want to be able to seperate and title these darn new age songs, but they're thwarting me at every turn. Midnight Candle Dance, indeed. Could've sworn it was Sand Dune Aria II.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

little bit of cleaning

My sister is coming into town this weekend and staying here, so I have to clean the house up a bit and hide the stray floggers. My sister's cool with it, but she doesn't like to *see* it, so I do her a favor by not showing off the latest equipment. There's some movies I'd like to rent, but every time I go to the store they've been checked out.. for weeks. That's annoying when you want to see something. The store orders like 70 copies of some stupid kung fu chimpanzee movie and 3 copies of anything remotely interesting. Oh well. At least my tape transfers are going smoothly, and that's keeping me pretty occupied.

Evil Dolly's Recipe of the Day: Tater tot casserole. Tastes kinda like a shephard's pie. Gray a pound of meat, mix in a bowl with 1 can of cream of mushroom and 1 can cream of potato (or cream of chicken, or another cream of mushroom, or whatever your favorite 'cream of' is). Add salt or pepper to taste (do not sprinkle some salt into your hand as a crude for of measurement while forgetting you have a deep papercut in your palm, wince, then thrust your hand under the tap which is spraying scalding water because you were just cleaning the sink a minute ago). Line about half of a 28 oz bag of tater tots on the bottom, top with meat mixture and some grated cheese, layer remaining tots you can fit in on top. Bake in oven 375 for 45 minutes, top with more cheese when done if desired (do not burn your arm on the door of the stove taking it out, because the burn really stings a lot for a really long time).

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I *owned* this tape? What was I thinking?

I took a nap earlier, just to refresh myself a bit, and ended up having archetypal stress dream. Wandering the halls of my old high school and realizing that finals were in progress and I had no idea where any of my classes were, or even *what* my classes were... scrambling frantically to and fro trying find out where I was supposed to be, knowing I had already missed out on some. I found a classroom with people that seemed familiar, I think it was some literature class, and remembering that I had attended a few classes that semester and I would have no idea what was on the test. Going to sleep can be such a relief, but sometimes, waking up can be a bigger one.

I started a small project just a few hours ago. Like most people my age, I have a bunch of cassette tapes of my old music. I don't think I even got a cd player until I was 17 or so (and at that time cd's were still fairly new and came in these big cardboard sleeves twice the size of the cd so you couldn't steal them). I thought I would try to convert some of these old tapes to mp3 to have them in a more a permanent media. So now I have an old tape player frankensteined up to my computer and I downloaded a (free) music recorder. So far the results haven't been great, but most of the technical jargon I've looked at on how to improve them has gone over my head by like 2 miles (or 41826 Hz), so I'll just leave them as is. I could probably get all these songs easier and with higher quality by just downloading them, but I'm stupid, so I think I'll keep recording. It makes me feel as if I'm actually doing something productive.

Saturday, June 11, 2005


This evening I had a black walnut malt while listening to the first cicada of the year. I just love cicada sounds. It always makes me feel summery and nostalgic. And everything tastes better in a malt.

Sometimes I think I should live a more fancy, exciting, stressful life just so that I would have more to write about on here. Cicadas and malts, indeed. That's not interesting writing! Alas. Sometimes, I just feel my life is on hold until I get a good slave. That's probably a very co-dependent way to live... that is, needing someone else to feel purpose. But that's just the way it is.

Make a fire for a man and he'll be warm all night.
Set a man on fire and he be warm for the rest of his life.

Monday, June 6, 2005

Storm chaser

Yesterday was an odd day. Started with a dream about lesbian-envy, and another dream where someone was trying to drown me. Then I tried to cut back some ivy that's been getting a little out of control, using a weedeater I found in the shed. The ivy stems are so thick that the weedeater wire kept breaking, and I had to stop and replace it about 5 times while getting attacked by mosquitos.

Just got back from a walk minutes ahead of a gathering storm. My favorite time to be outside is before a storm. I always go outside if only for a few minutes when there's one approaching. It's just such a feeling of imminence: the strong wind, leaves rustling, the ominous clouds, the rumble of distant thunder. I got home just before the lightning got here.

And now it's pouring down rain by the bucket. Good timing! Although, I already watered the lawn today thinking it was getting too dry.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Vandals and Yellow Sparklies

There's this small park/walking path that goes through the woods near here. It has a scenic outlook and a lot of old stone work that was built in the 30's or 40's, I think. It has a pleasant, ruinish quality to it that appeals to me. In the spring, there's clouds of wisteria. In the winter, you can see the full moon over the city and river on a backdrop of reddish-purple sky. I used to walk there almost every day in my mid-teens; a nice, secluded place to relax and think about things. Because of being there so often in those 'self-discovery, formative' years, I feel a certain bond with the place. I go up there still. Every now and then I go there, like today, to find the stone walls kicked apart and scattered (the mortar gets old and crumbly) and spray paint everywhere. It always makes me angry. What is it that moves kids to try to destroy beautiful and quiet places? Acting out from a feeling of societal powerlessness, or just plain old inborn assholishness?

I've definately gotten things cleaned up down here in the computer cave. It's funny when you clear out a room that's been crowded with stuff for so long-- the feeling of openness around you is almost startling everytime you notice it out of the corner of your eye. I'm sure it will get crowded again sooner or later.

I have writer's block.

I just saw my first lightning bugs of the season.

Just thought you should know.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Old Papers

Today I decided to start going through the old filing cabinet that is holding decades worth of files and records. Most of it I'm tossing out, some of it I'm keeping Just In Case. You can come across odd things when going through old family records. For instance, I never knew my mother had breast implants. It's just not something you notice when growing up and nobody tells you these things when you're a child. I only just found out because according to this stuff, before her death she was working on getting in on that class-action suit against silicon implant makers back in the 90's, for the reason of degenerative joint disease. Didn't know she had that either. Funny how many things can be hidden from children as long as they're happy in their status quo.

Also took a bunch of books to a used book place to see if I could sell them. He only wanted half, so the rest will have to go to the library. I got a cute book on fairy clothing in trade.

If I ever had a baby girl, which I don't plan on, I would name her Anastasia.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

It's periwinkle and peach!

The sunrise, that is. I sometimes like to take pictures of sunrises, though they usually turn out muddled or blurry. Was in an irritable mood yesterday. Went back to see the laser people and they assured me that if I just gave it another one or two sessions, then I would see results. Meanwhile, I have to spend more money on the smelly spray stuff. Other than that, I've simply been writing. Not very exciting

Here's the quests from the little journal tag thingie..
Books owned: Dunno.. there's probably over a thousand in this room alone
Last book read: Red Meat 3, Max Cannon
Last book purchased: The Ghormanghast Novels, Mervyn Peake
5 books that mean a lot to you: Watership Down by Richard Adams, most anything from Jack Vance, Imajica by Clive Barker, um, Harry Potter, and um.. Tailchaser's Song by Tad Williams.

Friday, May 20, 2005

late nights and writing

My sleeping is all messed up. It's hard to get much accomplished errand-wise when you're a night owl. Most places are closed when I'm awake, leaving just a narrow window before noon to get stuff done. Of course, by then, I'm really sleepy and not much in the mood for driving around or whatever. Well, that'll all be reversed soon enough. Sleep people say when left to our own devices, people revert to a 25 hour day, sleeping later each day. Why would that be? Mars has a 25 hour day. Coincidence?! Eh, prolly.

I've gotten back to writing a lot lately. The last part of the story I've been working on for months and months finally revealed itself to me. Took long enough.

Oh my god. I just swallowed a multivitamin before realizing that the expiration date on the bottle is *this month*. Taking expired medicine. I'm doomed! Walls.. closing in... can't reach phone... vitamin loss... critical...

I'm going back to writing.

Friday, May 13, 2005

summertime summertime sum sum summertime

I know it's summer out there, because it got hot. I'll just lurk indoors until it's over. The spring flowers have mostly gone and been replaced by a massive amount of green. For those who don't live in this part of the country, I'll tell you... it's green. You might think you know what green is, but not a green of this caliber. Downright verdant. Far too much green for my taste. And it's only going to get greener. Trees ought to be blue. That'd be cool.

I got a molded wire corset on ebay. It's neat lookin.

Been renting a lot of recent movies on dvd, but none really worth commenting on.

Friday, May 6, 2005

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

Dem Bones, Dem Bones

Here's a strange dream I pieced together after I awoke this morning, fleshed out, as it were, into a better narrative form:

A young woman is walking down the street of a metropolitan city, on her way to meet her boyfriend. Passing a pile of garbage, she is startled to notice a human skull nestled in the trash. She points it out to several people, but they all brush her off and ignore her. So she stands there in indecision when suddenly, to her surprise, the skull speaks to her. It explains that its body tripped while taking a walk through the cemetery and it lost its head. It rolled under the gate of the cemetery, where it was deliberately ignored by the living. It was kicked and rolled under their busy feet as they went about their living business until it was quite disorientated. Finally, a street-sweeper knocked it out of the gutter and into the the pile of trash, where it had remained for several days. And, being dead, the body wasn't allowed out of the cemetery to search for its head. The girl was the first living person to pay it any mind, and if she would be so kind, would she please return it to the cemetery.

The girl, disapproving of seeing earthly remains left in the trash, somewhat reluctantly agrees. She gingerly picks it up, mindful of the teeth (just in case), and takes it back to the cemetery, which is several blocks away. She finds the gate locked, but the high walls of the cemetery were suffering from neglect, so she is able to slip through a bit of ramshackle fence that covers a crack in the wall over an eroded drainage culvert. Inside, she discovers that the cemetery is very large, a virtual necropolis in the middle of the city. There are some traditional gravestones and markers near the gate, but most of the cemetery consists of granite tombs, marble mausoleums, and monuments stretching off into the distance. It is all overgrown with dead weeds and dead trees and fallen branches littering the grounds and pathways. It was a sunny day in the city, but in here, it was overcast. She walks a ways into the seemingly abandoned graveyard.

Without warning, she realizes she is surrounded by dead people. Corpses peek out from behind tombs, trees, and bushes. Rather than being freshly dead and, well, juicy, this lot seems to all be fairly well mummified, in various stages of dry, dusty dessication. They are clothed in everything from rags to tattered finery. Their garments and papery skin rustle and their muscles creak like stretched leather as they begin to approach her. The skull in her hands tells her not to be alarmed: his body told them she was coming, and they were curious to see a live person come into the city of the dead. Out of the forming crowd comes a worn-looking, headless skeleton with arms outstretched and cervical vertebrae a-twitch with anticipation. The girl hastily thrusts the skull into its hands. After some clumsy (and comical) misalignments, the body finally gets its head on right, and everybody cheers.

A little unnerved by all the bodies around her, the girl tries to excuse herself, but they all crowd around her to shake her hand. They tell her she can't leave yet, as the mayor is coming to thank her personally for her unprecedented kindness towards the dead, not to mention the giving of gifts. The girl pauses at the mention of gifts, and allows herself to be taken to a large courtyard featuring a fountain clogged with weeds and lily pads. More corpses are arriving by the minute, until the place is packed with hundreds of bodies. The girl had no idea there were this many dead people around.

A very bald (missing his scalp), thin mummy in an ascot introduces himself as the mayor of the cemetery, and he thanks for her good deed and decrees that she be rewarded. Being dead, however, they don't have much to offer but the jewelry they were buried with. They gather around the confused and startled girl and thrust rings on all her fingers and heap necklaces around her neck. Though at first in awe of the jewelry, the girl becomes uncomfortable with the disproportionate reward for her small act.. and is made no less uncomfortable when she realizes that some of the jewelry still has bits of their former owners attached. She tries to decline the gifts in a polite and politic manner, since she didn't want to risk offending the dead people, and certainly didn't want to see the mob grow ugly (or uglier).

The mayor would have none of it, and in fact says that more is called for. He gets an idea, and says that it would be a splendid idea if she stayed, as someone of her character could only be an asset to the community. The crowd cheers in approval with hundreds of dry vocal cords. The girl, with growing alarm, says she doesn't want to stay, and says that she has a life and even a boyfriend waiting for her outside. The mayor says that that's easily fixed, because to stay there she would have to be dead herself (living people aren't allowed to stay in a cemetery, after all), so having a life wouldn't be a problem if she was no longer alive. And as for boyfriend, the mayor eager suggests that she could get married.. perhaps to the skeleton whose head she recovered. The girl, in a panic, asserts that she wants to be neither dead nor married to a skeleton. Refusing to hear her protests, the mayor insists that the skeleton is a fine catch, and even used to be a painter of some renown during life.. although, it was possible that the skeleton was once a woman when alive, but these things hardly matter after you're dead and have no flesh. And, after all, isn't the benefit of marrying a skeleton that you can pretend and imagine whatever handsome form you desire atop the musty bones?

The crowd reacts with fervor to the announcement of a wedding. The girl tries to make a run for it, but she is grasped by dozens of crackling hands and thrust into the air. She is carried on their shoulders as an impromptu parade forms, winding its way through mausoleum-lined streets. The girl shouts that she doesn't want this, but she can't be heard over the cheering masses. The mayor cheerfully calls up to her that there's nothing to fear.. once the marriage is complete, she will be submerged in the magic reflecting pool in the middle of the cemetery. After she is submerged for long enough, she'll find herself quite dead.. it's never failed in the past!

There is a commotion up ahead, as one of the merry-making corpses loses a leg, falls, and trips those behind him. The bodies pile up and the parade comes to an abrupt halt. Taking advantage of the confusion, the girl slips away and tries to lose herself in the maze of monuments. She doesn't wish to be drowned, dead, *or* married. The dead are soon wandering through the cemetery, searching and calling for her. There are too many to slip past unnoticed, so the girl thinks up a ruse. Hoping to capitalize on the dead's lack of eyes and clearly mostly-empty heads, she hastily fashions a crude effigy out of fallen sticks and dresses it in her own clothes. She raises it over the edge of a tomb and calls out that, look, she was already dead, see how skinny she was, and what a fine diet it turned out to be, so there was no need for any celebrations or anything and everyone could return to their graves or coffins or whatever.

Momentarily confused, the dead mill around, conversing in hushed voices. Then a corpse notices the girl hiding behind the tomb and points her out, and the crowd regathers. The mayor congratulates the girl on her joke, and insists that more than ever she should stay, as the cemetery is a rather morbid and unfunny place and could use more humor. He says, however, that being in her underwear won't do, not for a marriage, and that he's thought of something appropriate. The girl is dragged to a nearby mausoleum, protesting and embarrassed to be seen half naked by so many pairs of eye sockets. Inside, a coffin is opened, revealing the long-dead body of a woman who was buried in her wedding dress. A few people undress the stiff body, noting that she won't miss it, at least not until until she decides to wake up, which might not be for decades. The girl is thrust into the dusty, stained, and tattered dress. Unhappily for her, it is a perfect fit. The crowd cheers with renewed vigor as she is brought out into the open.

As the parade progresses towards the center of the cemetery, the girl tearfully wonders if she should just resign herself to being dead. She is already wearing a dead woman's clothes and sporting grave-jewelry. Maybe it would just be easier to give up. Death always wins in the end, anyway. She doesn't relish the thought of being drowned, though.

The procession ends at the pool, which turns out to be the size of a large pond, its surface as smooth as glass, reflecting the heavy clouds above. A distance out, in hip-deep water, stands a skeleton that the girl can only assume is the one whose head she recovered (they all look very much the same to her) and a very dead priest. The skeleton--skull just slightly askew--is holding a bouquet of weeds and dead roses. The mayor places her hand on his ropey, dusty arm, saying he'd be honored to give her away, and half-pulls the hesitant and morose girl into the pool.

The skeleton bride/groom hands the bouquet to the girl once is brought out to the deep water. The water is up to the girl's waist and is very cold, and the train of the gown floats around her. As the dead priest begins to read his sacraments, though, the skeleton interrupts. It says that although being among the dead for so long has somewhat dulled its ability to read expressions, it can't help but notice that the girl doesn't seem very happy with this arrangement. The girl bursts into tears and insists that she doesn't wish to be dead or to be married to a heap of bones. The skeleton looks disappointed (or as disappointed as a fleshless, toothsome skull can look), but calls the wedding off. The crowd slowly disperses, subdued but, being dead, used to taking things as they come. The mayor protests in frustration that if the girl didn't want all this, then why didn't she just say so. When angrily told by the girl that she did in fact say so, the mayor irritably comments that she would have to speak up louder: his hearing was never that good when he was alive, and that being dead for thirty years certainly hadn't improved upon that.

The skeleton locates the girl's belongings and leads her out to the edge of the cemetery, where it says a quiet goodbye and wanders off back among the weeds and tombs. The girl can't help but feel sorry for it, but knows that this is for the best. A live girl and a rattling (female?) skeleton can't get married, ex-painter or not. She calls her boyfriend on her cellphone and begs him to come and pick her up. She waits for him on a marble bridge near the entrance of the cemetery. When he arrives, he refuses to believe anything he's told of what went on that afternoon, but he is certainly perplexed and appalled at the dress she is wearing and insists she take it off. The girl had gotten so used to being with the dead that she forgot she was wearing the coffin-found wedding gown.

As she begins to lift up the skirts, her boyfriend exclaims in horror. Looking down, the girl is shocked to see that, from the waist down, her body was dead. Her legs, dessicated and mummified, resembled those of the long-dead female corpse from which the gown was taken. The reflecting pool must have been magic, after all, and had transformed her, at least partly, as she had stood in its waters. Strangely, perhaps from everything that had transpired, or from some lingering effect of the pool itself, she can't get as upset by the transformation as perhaps she normally should have. Everything still felt the same, after all. Still, she is upset enough, and takes a step towards her boyfriend, seeking solace. Her boyfriend recoils in disgust. Heartbroken, she insists that she is still the same person, but her boyfriend is having none of it. He turns to flee, and in his mindless panic, he tumbles over the bridge's railing and falls to his death on the cemetery flagstones below. The girl runs down the steps to his broken body and weeps. But not for long.

Knowing now that dying is not necessarily the end of social life, the girl seeks out the mayor and tells him, loudly, to wake her beloved boyfriend back up. The mayor says that there is a process to these things, and that the girl's boyfriend will be up and about eventually, and there is nothing she can do to hasten it.

Days pass, and the girl has to try to get used to her new condition. The skeleton brings her dead flowers it has found on graves, and tries to comfort her, but the girl's thoughts are only on her boyfriend. She waits by his tomb, along with the ghastly welcoming committee, for the time when he wakes up. Finally, the day comes, and her boyfriend exits his tomb, looking somewhat worse for wear. The girl happily runs to embrace him, and surely he will forgive her having a less-than-perfect body now that he was dead. To her surprise, he rejects her again, this time because he is repelled by the half of her that is living.

Twice-heartbroken, the girl runs away in tears. For weeks she sits on the bridge still wearing her tattered wedding gown and jewelry, depressed, contemplating her future as a half-dead, half-living girl. She is no longer welcome in the city outside of the cemetery, where only the regular, live people are allowed. The live people only ignore her or make fun of her, and the police order back into the cemetery where she belongs.

Still, the skeleton continues to bring her flowers it collects from graves. It's certainly more attentive than her boyfriend ever was. And the clean lines of its bones, she finds, as the weeks pass, certainly are striking. She begins to wonder that perhaps being married to a skeleton wouldn't be such a bad thing, after all...

Sunday, May 1, 2005

malaise... not really... sorta

Haven't posted anything in a bit. I guess I've been waiting for enough noteworthy stuff to happen. Not that most of the stuff I write about here is noteworthy, per se, but at least I feel moved to write about it at the time.

Last week I went and a laser session done. It really hurts. Like, break out in a cold sweat, tooth chattering, hysterical laughter kinda hurt. There's not really any way to prepare yourself for the pain, nor to become innured to it during the session. Each zap is a fresh surprise of pain. To top it off, I don't think it worked. They say wait a few weeks, so I'm waiting a few weeks. But it doesn't feel to me as if it worked. If it didn't, I'll have to undergo an even stronger session and see what that does. Whoop-dee-doo.

I guess because of the letdown of that I've been a bit of a funk. Not depressed, just funky. Low motivation, reclusive behavior. This too shall pass.

Feet are killing me right now. Spend the day with friend and child, went with them fishing at a lake. I didn't fish, I just wandered around taking pictures of things like moss and tree stumps and sailboats. I thought these shoes were going to be comfortable when I got them, but seems I was mistaken. It occurs to me... I can't recall seeing sailboats any other color than white. I'm sure they must exist, but I don't think I've ever seen one. Why are there no black, or flaming pink sailboats drifting around out there?

God I'd love a toe-sucking right about now.

Hmm what to do, what to do. I know. I'll go to bed. That's what I'll do.

Here's a cool flying tree from the lake.

Saturday, April 16, 2005


I have a party tonight, so I've been running around trying to make the house a rough a facsimile of tidy. I went to take out the trash and something occured to me. When I was growing up, there were caterpillars *everywhere* this time of year. You know, those inch-and-a-half long black and brown fuzzies with blue spots. There were so many, you had to be careful where you stepped, lest you squash one. But I've hardly seen any at all in years. A long time! It's like they all just up and disappeared.
Then I got to thinking about how 'they' say, perhaps we create our own reality. So, what the hell. I walked around the yard, thinking, 'make a caterpillar.. create your own caterpillar' over and over. No caterpillars in the backyard.. or the side of the house.. or the front yard. Ah well. I did see that the iris had bloomed at last, and that was just as good, so I was happy.
Walking back to the house, I looked at the wall, and there was a caterpillar just moseying away along the top. I picked it up and let it crawl around in my hands in that ticklish way they do, and I was laughing out loud. I made a caterpillar! I even took a picture of it.
Coincidence? Probably. But isn't it funny how a coincidence can make you feel so good?

Go out and create your own caterpillars.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Aspen Dust, Fat Snakes, and the Persistence of Memory

Well, that's done. I moved the lizard (Little Weeds) to a new location downstairs. Damn, that's a heavy aquarium. I'm gonna feel it in my fingers tomorrow. But now that's he's down here, the dresser he was sitting on is free to be removed and clear up a lot of space. I changed his bedding as part of the move, and the cloud of dust as I dumped the fresh aspen shavings in there about asphyxiated me. He seemed happy though. Or she. Probably a she, but I'm not entirely sure. There's a way to tell, but I've never been curious enough to go poking around in his cloaca.

I also finished cleaning the carport up.. moved the old cabinets and cleaned up all the dead leaves and junk that accumulated behind and between them. Much tidier now. I just need to get rid of a bin of about 200 golf balls that have been there for years. I don't play golf. It's all coming together, little by little. But with that aspen dust and the pollen from sweeping the carport, my respiratory passages are thoroughly coated. I think I'll have a cigarette.. that'll clear it up. :o

I found some audio tapes from long ago that my dad made of family stuff. Most are of my dad trying to have conversations with my sister when she was a baby, trying to keep her attention long enough for her to sing a song. One was a recorded thanksgiving dinner ('76) at my grandparents' when I was small, squalling thing crawling around under the table with the dog. Strange to hear people talking about things when I was 1. But the tape broke as I was listening to it.

There was also a short recording of my dad talking to me when I was 3. He asked me what I did the other day, and I said I was in the woods and killed a snake with rocks. I heard that and started laughing.. I have a memory of when I was young. I was very small, but I couldn't remember just how young. I had wandered off down a drainage ditch when there used to be undeveloped woods across the street. Very bad of me. I recall seeing a little snake crawling across the ditch- like a little foot-long grass snake- and I got scared and threw rocks at it until it was dead. Not very nice, I know, but I was only three. I remember picking it up by the tail and heading home.. I guess as a trophy or something, I don't know. I remember getting stuck in a short thorn bush that had cobwebs on it and I started crying. My mother was calling for me and looking, and finally heard me and took me home.. sans snake. That must be one of my earliest memories. Funny to hear myself talking about the incident with barely legible speech, and yet still have such a clear memory of it. And nowadays, I'd go out of my way to make a small snake safe.. or stop to pick a box turtle off the road and take it into the woods.. or just earlier today, wander around for several minutes trying to find a good home for a chunky black scarab beetle whose leg I injured while sweeping the carport clean. Funny how things evolve. I'm a different person several times over from the one wandering in the woods that day.. all of my cells have been replaced many times, probably not many of the same atoms left, either.. that three year old technically no longer exists. But the memories remain.

Monday, April 11, 2005

I'm getting wet!

So I decided to go get some lizard supplies and stop by the bookstore while it's pouring down rain. For some reason, I enjoy driving in the rain. I even kinda like the trip across the parking lot, as long as I have an umbrella.. except it was raining really hard and the wind was blowing it sideways. The sheets of water were so thick that the cuffs of my pants got soaked as I stood in the rain -with my arms full of a big block of aspen cage bedding-trying to figure out why the minivan side door wouldn't open (I had left the gas cover sticking open). So I just had to sit there in the car a minute and giggle at myself while mopping myself with some paper towels. I didn't end up getting a book, but I got some cd's.. Tori Amos, NIN, and some Peter Murphy I never knew came out. I was going to go to the craft store, as well, but I decided I had gotten damp enough for one day.

Evil Dolly's Pet Peeve of the Day: Those damn DVD security stickers. Are they really necessary? I mean, the things are usually sealed in plastic anyway, so if someone is going to go to the trouble to tear that off in the store, the security stickers aren't going to deter them much. Sometimes they only have one, but usually they'll have two or three, and you have to stand there trying to peel them off in one piece (so there's no remnants) while your food is getting cold. I mean, really!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

sore again

Went to help the local group move a bunch of old furniture and stuff. It used to be dungeon furniture from the old play space and has been in storage in a basement for a year. Kinda musty. Most of it was thrown away. And I have a lot of old furniture waiting to be thrown away. Seems everybody's throwing away furniture these days. If this keeps up, nobody will have anywhere to sit!

Another couple hours spent interviewing a flake. Had a feeling where it was headed from the start. Person had a strange obsession with eating ass.

Not sure what to do today. Feeling distinctly unmotivated. Hm. Maybe an ass-eating would help.

My sea onion is wilty :/

Friday, April 8, 2005

Friggin... @%#*!

Oh, don't mind me, just venting. I thought I'd upgrade to the latest mcafee version. That lead to about 3 hours of computer confusion. Wouldn't let me back on the internet, and things kept crashing left n right. I finally had to get into an online chat with a customer service guy who seemed to type in canned responses. I wasn't even sure I was talking to a person. Anyway, I fixed it by erasing the whole shebang. Seems to be working okay now.

Watched Boxing Helena this morning. That's a cute li'l love story. Too bad it had to all end as a fantasy and not real. She looked pretty like that, sittin on the table with flowers.

There were magnificent thunderstorms here a couple days ago. About as strong as they get without huge winds or tornadoes. I enjoyed it, though I did have to unplug the computers at one point. Lightning struck really close by. Since I live on a hill, it's fun to watch the water go gushing down the street in a hard rain. Also, it washed away lots of pollen. I was noticing the day before how everything had soft yellow-green tinge.

Pollen gets everywhere.

Sunday, April 3, 2005

Another dusty day

Got sidetracked on a semi-minor project. Since I was able to get the last of the Giant Evil Cabinets moved from upstairs, I put it in the shed out back. Having that there allowed me to move all this yard supply stuff from these smaller cabinets sitting in the carport into there. I've been wanting to get rid of the cabinets in the carport for some time now. Sure, it's a perfectly serviceable place for them to be, but they face the street and it just didn't look very nice. And my yard looks shabby enough as it is. So I finally got everything moved out of them and into the shed, opening up the carport quite a bit. Sometime in the future I might try to put some kinda planter in there.. make it look all nice. All nice outside to hide the insidious evil within mwuahahahaha

I've discovered I unnerve people far more than I thought I did. Hm. Who knew?

Friday, April 1, 2005

Casserole time

I'm sooo tired and headachy. An electrician was supposed to come yesterday afternoon, but after sitting and waiting for five hours, I was informed that he couldn't make it til this morning. So I got up four hours early (I've been sleeping til about 11 or noon) so that I'd be up when he came. And he was about three hours late. Sigh. And then it took him til 5 to get the work done, so I couldn't nap effectively. Now my day is pretty much a bust, since I'm too drowsy to really *do* anything, but can't go to sleep or I'll totally messed up for a party tomorrow.

But! The expensive electrician finally did what needed doing. I got an upgraded breaker box to handle the load of the (future) whirlpool tub as well as the electric hoists I want installed. Fixed a porch light that's been broken for two years, and finally replaced two outlets in the future playroom that were old and worn out. They probably could have lived without replacing, but I didn't trust them. And the last thing I need in a room where a girl is locked in a cage is an electrical fire. Safety first! Aren't I considerate?

Had an annoying dream during one of my naps. I was really hungry and driving to the mall. On the seat beside me was a sack with fast food, like a burger and fries, so I started to eat the fries. Then I remembered that I had left the bag there yesterday, and it prooobably wasn't too safe to eat. So I spit the fries out of the car window and they went bouncing down the street. There was a mcdonald's at the mall, so I figured I'd just stop there really quick. There was a long line, though, and when I finally got my food, the lights went out. Seems the little restaurant also doubled as a movie theater. You kinda had to sit on a grassy hump on the floor and stare up at a movie projected on the ceiling. It was some super-cheesy 50's scifi movie. Anyway, about halfway through eating the burger, I notice that the meat is all moldy. Like, fuzzy green mold kinda moldy. So I take it back and complain, and they give me another for free. I got distracted for a while by some people I knew in high school, and by the time I get down to eating, I notice that the second burger is also moldy. So I get *another* one, check to make absolutely sure there's no mold, almost start to eat... and then I wake up. Dammit!

I'm hungry :/

I don't think I want hamburger, though.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Dusty old tomes

Whew! Well, that's done. Finished moving a few hundred pounds of old books from one cabinet upstairs to the newly relocated cabinet downstairs. Is it just me, or did they make books heavier in the old days? Good lord. I've moved those books 3 times in the past couple years. Now they're going to stay put. I don't know if they have any value or not, but my dad kept them, so now I'm keeping them. And now I have book dust on my pants.

This would all be so much easier with a slave in the house.

Oh yes.. Happy Fertility Day!

Just moments ago, I heard the first cricket of the year. Just thought you ought to know.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

panting.. panting.. not in a good way

It was a dark and stormy night. Thunder rumbled, rain fell. Lightning flashed, illuminating the old, haunted house in which--some say--a witch dwells. Or a bitch. Inside the house, a titanic battle raged on. Our heroine was on the staircase, waging war with a pair of huge, metal cabinets. It was a life or death struggle. The cabinets rumbling shelves matched the din of the storm outside. At times, when she was pinned against the wall at the bottom of the stairs by the monstrous, dusty beasts, it seemed as if the battle would be lost. But finally, with great effort (and only minor wall damage), our heroine prevailed! The terrible cabinets were vanquished, and moved to a small back room, where they would be forced to resume their duties of storing family photo albums and other knick-nacks. The day was won.

I am so friggin sore.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


These go over there.. this can fit over here.. I can get a few more of those up there.. now where the hell do I put this?

More tidying and organizing today. Making best use of shelf space and all that. There's a huge amount (like, half a closet full) of model ship and car kits. I considered selling them on ebay. They would probably sell, but these things take up so much space that I'd have to spend like $50 on boxes to ship them in.. not counting shipping cost. Just not cost effective. So I think I'll just drop em off at goodwill. With that idea in mind, I've been loading up the car with clothes and a TV I've been meaning to take there. I'll just pop the models in the back and drop it all off. Let them worry about it.

Once the huge metal cabinet they're in is empty, I can move that downstairs, put the photo albums and possibly the art supplies in it, and clear up a ton of space. Hmm, this might work, after all.

Oh! I just found a plump toad in my driveway. That's good luck!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Great Start to a Day

Got up and went to lunch with my financial guy for a quarterly thing. He broke down in tears once during the meeting. I swear I wasn't mean to him! Anyway, on the way home, after a stop at blockbuster, I drove through an innocent puddle and popped a tire... you know that dreadful sound.. flubflubflubflubflubflubflubflub.

I pull over on the next side street and there's a bent-up pair of pliers sticking right out of the top of the tire. Who leaves pointy, bent pliers in the street?? It was actually the first time I've ever had a flat tire while driving. Sometimes I've come out to find a tire gone flat from a slow leak while parked, but never just a blowout while driving. But, I took driver's ed when I was 15, so I knew what to do! Kinda.

Anyway, after getting filthy and completely ruining my manicure, I get the spare on. I head off down the road to get to the tire place that was just a mile or so away, but almost as soon as I get started, the spare popped like a li'l grape. Sigh. So I had to drive back there on a flat tire anyway. oh well.

Monday, March 21, 2005

The Smoldering Stench of Smoothness

Guess carrying heavy stuff up and down stairs while wearing a long-sleeve, knit shirt with a spacer heater on wasn't such a good idea. Excuse me while I pant.

I've been accumulating a ton of trash going through the closet. Lots of heavy things like magazines and about 700 blank floppy disks. I hope that robot garbage truck arm can pick my bin up. It's full to the top and the floor of my computer room down here is hidden by boxes and bags of things 'yet to be thrown away'. It's dusty, thankless work, but it's for a good cause: a spacious play area! Someday.

It's been two years since I had laser hair removal (painful, expensive, and didn't work). I thought I'd try again at a different place. They're supposed to have the newest equipment and stuff that can get blond hairs. I sure hope so. I went in for a consultation and area test today. I forgot how much it hurt. It's just light, but it sometimes feel like a hot needle being jabbed into your skin really fast.. accompanied by the fragrance of burning hair. bleah.

Oh, I went to a play party and won a very nice, very heavy, purple heartwood paddle. Did I mention that it's very heavy? :)

Saturday, March 19, 2005


In the process of cleaning out that closet, I came across a pile of love letters between my parents. Mostly from my mom to my dad, dated in the 60's and 70's. She loved him so much. I believe they got married when she was 18 or 19, thich is pretty young to get married nowadays. Strange to see my mother writing all lovey-dovey (Me wub oo!) hehe. She sounded like a cutie-pie. But it's also kinda sad. I guess in 20 years their marriage had gone from one like that to almost a marriage of convenience. They didn't even sleep in the same room for much of my childhood. It wasn't bitter or anything, just very distant. Is that always the fate of love? To fade away?

I hope not.

Friday, March 18, 2005

A sad day.. or a productive day?

I've been in a bit of a funk today. I got my hair done (and they always cut off more than I want them to, wherever I go). But it still pretty much looks the same. I hate my hair. It's long since I've been growing it since I graduated from high school--an all boys high school that forced you to cut it really short)--and it's really thick and curly. But I can't *do* anything with it. No one can, apparently. When it's down, it's a great, frizzy, muddy blondy browny mane. So I just keep it in a ponytail all the time. I wish I could have pretty, shiny, wavy hair. (In a perfect world, I'd like Betty Page hair.. aah). But that got me to thinking about how much I have to do, how far I have to go try to and make myself someday look the way I feel inside. Sigh. And I fear I might be lonely until then.. since a girl who wants a woman wants someone who *looks* like a woman. I can't offer that yet, not really. Such a long way to go. I almost had a crying jag over it. Dommes can cry too!

But if I dwell on that too long I'll go nuts, or give it all up and live in a darkened room and gorge on cheesecake til I'm 500 lbs (hm, maybe there's a story idea in there somewhere). *So*... gotta be productive. I just replaced the latch and lock on the back shed that has been lockless for like 2 years. I'm forming more solid plans for my future dungeon, even had a scene-friendly construction fellow over to look at what might be done. Mostly, it's nothing drastic, but the room I intend to use hasn't been updated since the 70's. In desperate need of new lighting, carpet, paint, drapes, etc.

But that got me think of converting the room next to it into *another* dungeon. Stop me, I'm mad! Actually neither of these would be 'dungeons' per se, just play rooms. Alas, I don't have a basement to make a neat dungeon out of.
But anyway, to do that will require getting rid of a ton of old furniture and stuff to make more storage space in other rooms. I've just started a task I've been putting off, which is to sort through an old store room down here. It was originally designed it as a darkroom, but it's just been a storeroom for about 27 years. There's a lot of stuff in there I don't need, so I have to go through it, piece by piece. Ah well, it gets my mind off of other things.

I know my pet girl is out there... somewhere.

Monday, February 28, 2005


Great, I just got the hiccups like two minutes ago. This could take a while. Just got back from a walk, which wasn't such a great idea. It's cold out there! My eardrums are burning. My poor bulbs keep trying to grow but then get frosted all over again.

Had an unusual day yesterday. Got interviewed by a college student I know for a senior thesis. The topic was on gender and such. I had to recount my past and explain my nature. Didn't take that long hehe. But how many people can boast they're a thesis topic? I guess I'm just that weird.

Woke up after a strange dream. I ordered a cage by mail from this guy, but turns out the guy had been kidnapping girls and brainwashing them; I guess he was some kind of serial killer or somethin. I realized, looking through the receipts, that I had accidentally ordered one of those girls with the cage. I panicked, trying to destroy the evidence, fearing that I would get tied to it uninentionally. Skip to having some guests over, a few men and women, and I noticed that a boat trailer with the cage strapped down to it had been delivered and left there. Someone got the cage inside the house but I couldn't see inside the cage because it was all wrapped up in leather. I guessed she had been shipped across country in that thing like that. I went upstairs and was freaking out while one of the guys opened the thing and said something about a smelly corpse. More freaking out as I tried to think of what I should do, and how the heck was I going to get rid of a body. I went down to look, and there was a girl who had been dressed in a Hooters uniform (?) laying there on the floor outside the cage. Then her hands started fluttering and I saw she wasn't dead, just unconscious, possibly from dehydration. She started to come to and I was patting her cheeks and I think someone gave her mouth-to-mouth to get her breathing. She coughed and moaned and opened her eyes, and immediately started smiling, just happy to be there, cause she was like totally brainwashed and everything. So I guess it was a happy ending.

Monday, February 14, 2005


I've just been kinda blah lately. Not depressed, or even in a rut, just kinda listless. But things are turning around a bit.. got some nice furniture coming, and I've started writing again. I guess I've just been kinda lonesome. Even monsters need love.. heehee. Valentine's day doesn't help. Funny, valentines always reminds me of those grade school parties, where you decorate your paper bag/card receptical and tape it to the front of your desk. Oh and arranging those sugar-dusty candy hearts into strange phrases. I shall drown my blahs in some rented movies and a pizza.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005


Had an odd dream just before I woke up. I was in a hotel room and I was preparing to visit an old domme of mine. I showered and the tub was stopped up, so the water got up to the top of the tub. When I got out I noticed there was a bunch of crawdads in the water, just kinda swimming around. I was getting dressed and the domme came banging on the door, insisting I come out. I was flustered, since I was only half dressed and in a bathrobe, but I put a whole bunch of keys in my pocket and went out anyway. I noticed she had a rifle with her, and she led me to a out front and she took a shotgun from the back seat and gave it to me. I was nervous, and getting more nervous, and she demanded I walk 300 feet away. I started crying, wanting to know why and was she going to shoot me. She just kept insisting and I started walking down the street. But I was getting too freaked out and kinda shifted into another dream, where I was laying in my bed. Although it was dark, I noticed the silhouette of a rather large spider, with spindly legs and the body the size of a jumbo shrimp climbing down a web at an angle above my bed. It was kinda aiming for the pillows beside me. I noticed I had a few strands of spiderweb over my body.. only a few, but they were really strong and I had to strain to break them one by one. I was doing it carefully so as not to disturb the spider. It kept getting closer so I tried to roll out of bed, but there were still some strands left, and my pulling broke the spider's strand and it fell onto the bed near me. I grabbed an empty mountain dew can off the nightstand and tried to smash it, but I missed. I think that just made it angry. As it skittered onto my leg, I forced myself to wake up, breathing all heavy.

An oral surgeon IMed me. I asked if he could give a girl dental implants, like little cat fangs. I think I disturbed him.

I think fangs would be cute.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Another lengthy absence

I'm sick :(

At least it's not the flu, but colds are nothing to shake a stick at. Try it. Shake a stick at one. Won't do you any good. Just make your arm tired. Anyway, I'm on the mend.

Let's see, what's new. Well, my best friend is preggers again. Bun in the oven! That'll make me an auntie twice over. Evil auntie. Just as the first one, who is now four, no longer makes startling and unpleasant odors and can actually carry on a coherent conversation (she actually has a great vocabulary), another one comes along and the process starts all over. Another couple years of diapers, screaming fits, and exhausted friends irritable from lack of sleep. The joy of birth.

There's the artist, Alan Clark, who I discovered at the art show of a small local sci fi convention when I was about 15. I got a few of his prints, and gathered a few more over the years when I could find them. The other week I found he had a website, so I ordered a whole bunch of prints. The next morning he called me up and thanked me. That's like getting a phone call from your favorite writer, thanking you for being a reader. I was chuffed all day long.

Evil Dolly's Toy Recommendation of the Day: Giant Microbes! They're plush! Give your friend the gift of an earache. What better way to say I Love You than with a fuzzy Mono? Tell your boss exactly how you feel with an endearing, big-eyed ulcer bacteria. Their site is giantmicrobes.com. They're cute!

Saturday, January 1, 2005

A New Year

Well, let's see. It's been a couple weeks since I've written. Mainly that's simply because nothing very interesting has been going on. There was xmas, of course, which I spent alone because it was all snowy and icy here. Watched the snow start to come down and a dense flurry, and by the next day everything was white. It was pretty cool, even tho I was trapped here on the hill for 3 or 4 days. It reminded me of being a child... when we'd go out and sled down the hill for hours, come inside and throw our soaking clothes in the dryer while we drank cidery tea, then back into the still-wet clothes to go back outside and do it all over again. At least I didn't slip on the ice and give myself a concussion like I did a few years ago. I don't mind lotsa snow, cause it doesn't knock out my electricity like ice storms. This was like the 9th white xmas here in 100 years. And yet, just a week after, it's up in the 60's, and the ground is all sweaty.

My sister and her husband did arrive in town after xmas, they got held back due to snow. They always stay in the guest bedroom here. I decided to have my few remaining relatives come over for a visit.. so I had to cook for 10. It was a bit crowded over here. It's funny to see my aunt nowadays. She was always a demure, quiet, motherly type. Now in her 50's, she's become a heavily-tattooed biker chick. Didn't bat an eye at the rings imbedded in my ceiling, either.