Monday, December 22, 2008

Who will bake the cake when I'm gone?

1 18.25 pounds packaged chocolate cake mix
1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting
3/4 cup vegetable oil
4 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine
1 and 2/3 cups granulated sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour

Don't forget garnishes such as:
Fish-shaped crackers
Fish-shaped candy
Fish-shaped solid waste
Fish-shaped dirt
Fish-shaped ethyl benzine
Whole and peeled licorice
Fish shaped volatile organic compounds
And sediment-shaped sediment
Peanut butter candy coated pieces, shaped like fish

1 cup lemon juice
Alpha resins
Unsaturated polyester resin
Fiberglass surface resins
And volatile malted milk impoundments
9 large egg yolks
12 medium geo-synthetic membranes
1 cup granulated sugar
An entry called "How To Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands"
2 cups rhubarb, sliced
2/3 cups granulated rhubarb
1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb
1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb
3 tablespoons rhubarb on fire
1 large rhubarb
1 cross borehole electric imaging rhubarb
2 tablespoons rhubarb juice
Adjustable aluminum head-positioner
Slaughter electric needle injector
Cordless electric needle injector
Injector needle driver
Injector needle gun
Cranial caps
And it contains proven preservatives,
deep prenetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals
that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue

Wednesday, August 27, 2008



The dog's owner checked with the local vet I took the dog to this morning. They got my info, and now he's back home. That's a relief :)

Now I have to find something to do with these dog food and treats. Hmm. I think I'll keep the dog bowl and leash, though.

I'm dirty... and doggy

The gods threw a dog at me.

There I was, just going for an early morning stroll, and a dog crossed my path. He was panting like he'd run a marathon and was limping pretty bad. He started following me. I told him to stay, but he just kept following. Even when I walked fast to put a lot of distance, he still kept following. He followed me home.

What could else could I do but let him in? And, for now, it seems I'm stuck with a dog.

He's an enormous, old black labrador, about 118 pounds. Quite friendly, obviously. He's in the back yard right now. My house just isn't set up to house a huge animal. I took him to the vet to get him checked out. They just said he's old and arthritic, and they gave me some dog aspirin. Hm. I put messages on craigslist, the newspaper, animal control, care, and the humane society. I dunno what else to do but put up notices on phone poles.

I'm all hairy and.. and doggy.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Low day

I'm going into a bad patch, I think. Some days I just feel the weight of my loneliness more than others. Sometimes it all just feels so hopeless, feeling that I've always been alone and always will. It's not often. It sneaks up on me. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, and I started crying. I'm sure I'll be back on top soon enough. But for now, I'll just cry.

If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain
In the ice or in the sun it's all the same
Yet I feel my heart is aching
Though it doesn't beat it's breaking
And the pain here that I feel
Try and tell me it's not real
I know that I am dead
Yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed

Thursday, July 10, 2008

A touch of the update

Looks like it's been a bit since my last entry, but there's just not been too much going on around here. My fiddler crabs are doing fine.. I've yet to lose a single one, cept for the one that was eaten by the red crabs which I returned months ago. The guppies are another story. I'm on my 4th pair. I'm not sure why, my water quality is within good limits, maybe they're just short-lived. I never have to worry about fishing out bodies, though... crabs are excellent scavengers. Pounce on the fish almost the instant they stop moving. Never seen them attack the live ones.

I went to PetCo the other week for some new guppies. There was a cute, very young TG girl working in the fish section. Funny, when I applied to that exact same store for a summer job about 15 years ago, the guy told me they couldn't hire me unless I cut my hair and lost the earrings. Guess times change. She was envious of my hair. She was wearing a copper-colored wig with really big corkscrew curls that made me think of Little Miss Muffet. I didn't say anything about her TGism, though. Even though I was 98% sure she was TG, if I said something and was 2% wrong, imagine how bad that'd make a girl feel. I usually err on the side of caution, which of course means I seldom say anything at all.

Today I returned an extra garden hose I didn't need to Home Depot. The lady at the returns desk instantly zeroed in on my nails, which are slightly long at the moment. She was amazed, all 'I never seen nails that clean and white before! Wow. Clean, clean hands.' I just smiled, utterly bewildered, and waited for my receipt.

I had a nice-enough 4th of July. Shot of some fireworks with a friend and his daughter. There sure was something dead and stinky off in the grass at the side of the road. Too dark to tell what it was, but bleah.

Evil Dolly's Movie Recommendation of the Day: I went to see Wall-E the other day. I highly recommend it. Although the ending part was a little too typical animated-action finale sorta thing, overall it was quite good. The loneliness aspect I could certainly relate to. And it features one of the sweetest on screen romances I've ever seen on film.

Friday, May 23, 2008

A two-bunny day

Storm-damp honeysuckle fills the air with memories. The giddy last days of school before being let free from chalk-dust shackles for another summer. Such magnificent freedom! A nearly endless expanse of three whole months ahead. Months in which to build Legos in the middle of the rug all day long or concoct action figure epics in the patio. Trampoline mornings, garden hose afternoons, and mosquito-hum evenings. Slamming aluminum screen doors, Caprisun pouches, and moss-filled sidewalk cracks. The ability to have sleepovers any night of the week! Bicycle figure-eights. Meatball alphabet soup lunch on dented PacMan tv trays. The unbearable burden of being forced to dress nice and spend an entire hour in church Sunday mornings.

Grieg's "Morning Mood" always makes me think of chicken and rice soup.
Dunno why.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Wind in the roses

Went for a nighttime walk, while it was cool and windy.  The scent of honeysuckle was on the breeze.  I think there might even be some starting to grow on my backyard fence.  I tried to suckle some honey a few days ago, but it wasn't ripe yet.  Blech.

Elsewhere during my walk I passed a rose garden, which the wind brought to me.  It got me to wondering why the scent of roses is so strongly associate with the feminine.  Is it just the use of perfumes, oils, and bath scents throughout the ages that has permeated the culture with the accompanying associations?  Or is it a deeper sorta thing.. like that study that said the scent of pumpkin pie mixed with lavender inexplicably aroused men.  Peculiar.

On another note, I was looking through some old tv commercials on retrojunk.  I saw a shanghai mcnugget add.. I had practically forgotten about those, but boy did I love em.  They were only out for a short time in the mid 80's, and they came with chopsticks and teriyaki dipping sauce.  I must have asked for those things every day while they were available.  Oh teriyaki mcnugget, where have you gone and why have you foresaken me?

I made homemade teriyaki sauce for chicken once.  I must have overcooked it, cause that chicken was like beef jerky.  Still tasty, though.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Spring! It exists!

Aside from a recent cold snap, the weather's been just grand.  The air is warm, the trees are leafing, the flowers are a-bloom, and the pollen, she is in the air.  So that's all very good.. except for the tornadoes.

A storm started late evening the other week.  Not unusual for around here.  Then the sirens started going off, so I ducked under the stairs.. the center-most point in my house.  The sirens kept going on and off for the better part of an hour.  Between intervals, I peeked out the window and saw what I later realized was the wall cloud passing right overhead.. that's the lowest part of the storm, a solid black, round column of cloud which spawns tornadoes.  It was preceded by a curtain of ground-striking lightning bolts.  Rather daunting, I must say.

The storm passed away north, and the worst I got was heavy rain and some wind.  Just a few miles away though, some neighborhoods got hit... trees uprooted and splintered, sections of roof gone, shingles everywhere.  Even my usual video store got hit.. they still have some ceiling panels broken and hanging. 

Well, that's Spring for ya!

Monday, March 3, 2008

crabs ahoy

Gosh it's windy out there today, along with rainy.  It tore the wreath right off my front door and hurled it down the stairs.  Well, then.  I guess nature didn't care for my x-mas wreath on the door in March.  That'll show me.

One of my male fiddler crabs has been losing lots of limbs lately.  Normal crab = 8 legs, 2 claws.  Yesterday he was down to just the one claw.  Rather pathetic sight, indeed.  This morning I caught the red claw crabs red-handed.. eating the remains of the one-limbed fiddler.  Well they hardly ever show themselves, and when they do it's to eat the plants and other crabs apparently, so I returned them today.  The fish girl wasn't supposed to take them back, but I guess I must have looked despondent standing there with my tupperware full of crab, and she relented.  So I got a couple more female fiddlers to replace them.  They're adjusting right now and finding bits of goody to eat.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


I was perusing a candy wrapper museum the other day ( ), and it got me thinking about some of the favored candies of my youth.  There was one particular favorite I had for years... the Nerd.  I first came across them sometime in the mid-80's, probably when I was 8 or 9, while I was in a convenience store with a friend's family.  I was immediately drawn to the funny, colorful little nerd characters on the box, as well as the gimmick of two different flavors poured from opposite sides of the box.  The most common flavor then (and now) was grape/strawberry.  Later on I found other flavors such as watermelon, lemon, lime, blueberry, raspberry, and citrus.  I became a nerds junkie.  I kept a ziplock bag full of them, all the flavors mixed up.. and not one of the little sandwich bags, but the sturdy, large size.  The nerd mixture was predominantly purple-pink, since grape/strawberry were the most common.  I'd sit in front of the tv with my nerds bag, dipping my fingers into the little pebbly candies and eating them by the handful, letting the hard shells dissolve into a mouthful of pure sugar... with a bag of tropical CapriSun to wash em down.  Probably not the healthiest snack, but there you go. 

I even saved up proofs of purchase and ordered a special promotional toy.  Eight weeks later (after daily mail-checking) it arrived: a purple plush Nerd doll!  That was a great doll.  Those were the days.  Nerds, Ewoks, Legos, CapriSun and ColecoVision.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

A whole new year

Yep.  A new year.  Another year older.  I've been a little sad lately, because I'm still searching.  Each year I try to assure myself that this will be the one.. that by this time next year I'll have someone of my very own.  But each year passes and that hasn't changed.  I dunno.  I'll get by.

Looks like I haven't posted since before xmas.  Well, it was a fine xmas as xmasses go.  I got some nice presents, and I even got the lights down in a timely fashion.  And I've had a birthday since then, upon which I was pleasantly surprised to receive a candy-colored knitted security blanket and a cat-shaped cake.

On a whim, I set up a small 10 gallon fishtank next to my computer.  It's mainly for small crabs, but I have a couple guppies in there right now, and some live plants.  It's still cycling, as new tanks must, and it'll be a wonder if any survive til next month.  But for now it's soothing to look at.

Right now I'm just getting over a rather unpleasant bout of food poisoning or stomach flu.  Not sure which it was, but it was unpleasant either way.  And yesterday morning I stepped out for groceries to find that my car had been hit-and-runned in the night.. right headlight assembly totally smashed in and some frame damage.  I don't know how bad the damage is yet, will have to wait for the insurance adjuster to come give me an adjustment.

Also in the last week I've been looking around at deviant art pages.  People who like art of any type should take a peek through there.. there's tons of user pages with subjects traditionally, kinky, and just plain strange.  I must have 50 pages bookmarked, and still lots to go through.