Saturday, April 16, 2005


I have a party tonight, so I've been running around trying to make the house a rough a facsimile of tidy. I went to take out the trash and something occured to me. When I was growing up, there were caterpillars *everywhere* this time of year. You know, those inch-and-a-half long black and brown fuzzies with blue spots. There were so many, you had to be careful where you stepped, lest you squash one. But I've hardly seen any at all in years. A long time! It's like they all just up and disappeared.
Then I got to thinking about how 'they' say, perhaps we create our own reality. So, what the hell. I walked around the yard, thinking, 'make a caterpillar.. create your own caterpillar' over and over. No caterpillars in the backyard.. or the side of the house.. or the front yard. Ah well. I did see that the iris had bloomed at last, and that was just as good, so I was happy.
Walking back to the house, I looked at the wall, and there was a caterpillar just moseying away along the top. I picked it up and let it crawl around in my hands in that ticklish way they do, and I was laughing out loud. I made a caterpillar! I even took a picture of it.
Coincidence? Probably. But isn't it funny how a coincidence can make you feel so good?

Go out and create your own caterpillars.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Aspen Dust, Fat Snakes, and the Persistence of Memory

Well, that's done. I moved the lizard (Little Weeds) to a new location downstairs. Damn, that's a heavy aquarium. I'm gonna feel it in my fingers tomorrow. But now that's he's down here, the dresser he was sitting on is free to be removed and clear up a lot of space. I changed his bedding as part of the move, and the cloud of dust as I dumped the fresh aspen shavings in there about asphyxiated me. He seemed happy though. Or she. Probably a she, but I'm not entirely sure. There's a way to tell, but I've never been curious enough to go poking around in his cloaca.

I also finished cleaning the carport up.. moved the old cabinets and cleaned up all the dead leaves and junk that accumulated behind and between them. Much tidier now. I just need to get rid of a bin of about 200 golf balls that have been there for years. I don't play golf. It's all coming together, little by little. But with that aspen dust and the pollen from sweeping the carport, my respiratory passages are thoroughly coated. I think I'll have a cigarette.. that'll clear it up. :o

I found some audio tapes from long ago that my dad made of family stuff. Most are of my dad trying to have conversations with my sister when she was a baby, trying to keep her attention long enough for her to sing a song. One was a recorded thanksgiving dinner ('76) at my grandparents' when I was small, squalling thing crawling around under the table with the dog. Strange to hear people talking about things when I was 1. But the tape broke as I was listening to it.

There was also a short recording of my dad talking to me when I was 3. He asked me what I did the other day, and I said I was in the woods and killed a snake with rocks. I heard that and started laughing.. I have a memory of when I was young. I was very small, but I couldn't remember just how young. I had wandered off down a drainage ditch when there used to be undeveloped woods across the street. Very bad of me. I recall seeing a little snake crawling across the ditch- like a little foot-long grass snake- and I got scared and threw rocks at it until it was dead. Not very nice, I know, but I was only three. I remember picking it up by the tail and heading home.. I guess as a trophy or something, I don't know. I remember getting stuck in a short thorn bush that had cobwebs on it and I started crying. My mother was calling for me and looking, and finally heard me and took me home.. sans snake. That must be one of my earliest memories. Funny to hear myself talking about the incident with barely legible speech, and yet still have such a clear memory of it. And nowadays, I'd go out of my way to make a small snake safe.. or stop to pick a box turtle off the road and take it into the woods.. or just earlier today, wander around for several minutes trying to find a good home for a chunky black scarab beetle whose leg I injured while sweeping the carport clean. Funny how things evolve. I'm a different person several times over from the one wandering in the woods that day.. all of my cells have been replaced many times, probably not many of the same atoms left, either.. that three year old technically no longer exists. But the memories remain.

Monday, April 11, 2005

I'm getting wet!

So I decided to go get some lizard supplies and stop by the bookstore while it's pouring down rain. For some reason, I enjoy driving in the rain. I even kinda like the trip across the parking lot, as long as I have an umbrella.. except it was raining really hard and the wind was blowing it sideways. The sheets of water were so thick that the cuffs of my pants got soaked as I stood in the rain -with my arms full of a big block of aspen cage bedding-trying to figure out why the minivan side door wouldn't open (I had left the gas cover sticking open). So I just had to sit there in the car a minute and giggle at myself while mopping myself with some paper towels. I didn't end up getting a book, but I got some cd's.. Tori Amos, NIN, and some Peter Murphy I never knew came out. I was going to go to the craft store, as well, but I decided I had gotten damp enough for one day.

Evil Dolly's Pet Peeve of the Day: Those damn DVD security stickers. Are they really necessary? I mean, the things are usually sealed in plastic anyway, so if someone is going to go to the trouble to tear that off in the store, the security stickers aren't going to deter them much. Sometimes they only have one, but usually they'll have two or three, and you have to stand there trying to peel them off in one piece (so there's no remnants) while your food is getting cold. I mean, really!

Sunday, April 10, 2005

sore again

Went to help the local group move a bunch of old furniture and stuff. It used to be dungeon furniture from the old play space and has been in storage in a basement for a year. Kinda musty. Most of it was thrown away. And I have a lot of old furniture waiting to be thrown away. Seems everybody's throwing away furniture these days. If this keeps up, nobody will have anywhere to sit!

Another couple hours spent interviewing a flake. Had a feeling where it was headed from the start. Person had a strange obsession with eating ass.

Not sure what to do today. Feeling distinctly unmotivated. Hm. Maybe an ass-eating would help.

My sea onion is wilty :/

Friday, April 8, 2005

Friggin... @%#*!

Oh, don't mind me, just venting. I thought I'd upgrade to the latest mcafee version. That lead to about 3 hours of computer confusion. Wouldn't let me back on the internet, and things kept crashing left n right. I finally had to get into an online chat with a customer service guy who seemed to type in canned responses. I wasn't even sure I was talking to a person. Anyway, I fixed it by erasing the whole shebang. Seems to be working okay now.

Watched Boxing Helena this morning. That's a cute li'l love story. Too bad it had to all end as a fantasy and not real. She looked pretty like that, sittin on the table with flowers.

There were magnificent thunderstorms here a couple days ago. About as strong as they get without huge winds or tornadoes. I enjoyed it, though I did have to unplug the computers at one point. Lightning struck really close by. Since I live on a hill, it's fun to watch the water go gushing down the street in a hard rain. Also, it washed away lots of pollen. I was noticing the day before how everything had soft yellow-green tinge.

Pollen gets everywhere.

Sunday, April 3, 2005

Another dusty day

Got sidetracked on a semi-minor project. Since I was able to get the last of the Giant Evil Cabinets moved from upstairs, I put it in the shed out back. Having that there allowed me to move all this yard supply stuff from these smaller cabinets sitting in the carport into there. I've been wanting to get rid of the cabinets in the carport for some time now. Sure, it's a perfectly serviceable place for them to be, but they face the street and it just didn't look very nice. And my yard looks shabby enough as it is. So I finally got everything moved out of them and into the shed, opening up the carport quite a bit. Sometime in the future I might try to put some kinda planter in there.. make it look all nice. All nice outside to hide the insidious evil within mwuahahahaha

I've discovered I unnerve people far more than I thought I did. Hm. Who knew?

Friday, April 1, 2005

Casserole time

I'm sooo tired and headachy. An electrician was supposed to come yesterday afternoon, but after sitting and waiting for five hours, I was informed that he couldn't make it til this morning. So I got up four hours early (I've been sleeping til about 11 or noon) so that I'd be up when he came. And he was about three hours late. Sigh. And then it took him til 5 to get the work done, so I couldn't nap effectively. Now my day is pretty much a bust, since I'm too drowsy to really *do* anything, but can't go to sleep or I'll totally messed up for a party tomorrow.

But! The expensive electrician finally did what needed doing. I got an upgraded breaker box to handle the load of the (future) whirlpool tub as well as the electric hoists I want installed. Fixed a porch light that's been broken for two years, and finally replaced two outlets in the future playroom that were old and worn out. They probably could have lived without replacing, but I didn't trust them. And the last thing I need in a room where a girl is locked in a cage is an electrical fire. Safety first! Aren't I considerate?

Had an annoying dream during one of my naps. I was really hungry and driving to the mall. On the seat beside me was a sack with fast food, like a burger and fries, so I started to eat the fries. Then I remembered that I had left the bag there yesterday, and it prooobably wasn't too safe to eat. So I spit the fries out of the car window and they went bouncing down the street. There was a mcdonald's at the mall, so I figured I'd just stop there really quick. There was a long line, though, and when I finally got my food, the lights went out. Seems the little restaurant also doubled as a movie theater. You kinda had to sit on a grassy hump on the floor and stare up at a movie projected on the ceiling. It was some super-cheesy 50's scifi movie. Anyway, about halfway through eating the burger, I notice that the meat is all moldy. Like, fuzzy green mold kinda moldy. So I take it back and complain, and they give me another for free. I got distracted for a while by some people I knew in high school, and by the time I get down to eating, I notice that the second burger is also moldy. So I get *another* one, check to make absolutely sure there's no mold, almost start to eat... and then I wake up. Dammit!

I'm hungry :/

I don't think I want hamburger, though.