Thursday, June 30, 2005


happy dance, happy dance!

I finally finished my latest story. It took me a long time, with lots of stops and starts, but it's finally in the can. It ended up at well over a hundred pages, which is really long for kinky horror erotica. It's certainly the longest I've ever written. Despite its amazing length, I fear it will be rather boring to most people who are interested in these sorts of stories. It's primarily psychological. It's a real challenge to write a story of that length when it's only got about two people and takes place almost exclusively in two or three rooms of a house. But, if it's not a challenge, I suppose it's not worth writing.

No, that's not true. Sometimes the easiest writing is the best there is.

Hooray! It's done!

Monday, June 27, 2005

happy car

It's been a week and I'm still copying old cassette tapes. But I'm nearing the end. I'm down to just the few that still have tape covers to go with them.

The other day I went outside and saw the neighbor's cat sitting right next to the grave of my last cat, which I had buried in the backyard. It was a strange image.

Just got back from picking my car up, second time in a week, getting the last of the work it needed done. It has new window motors now, and they go up and down so smoothly. I hadn't even opened the passenger window since last November, not since it got stuck halfway open in the rain when I went to the polling place for the election. I was late and had to stand in line for a long time just because I had to wrestle the window closed.

It's a minivan. Yes, I drive a minivan. For some reason, that seems to confuse people. I'm not sure what I *should* be driving that would make more sense. I do like hondas, but since I live alone, it's just easier to have the space to haul stuff around at will without begging for a friend with a truck to help. You can't fit much in the back of a honda. Anyway, I guess people think it's the type of car a kidnapper might drive. It does have ample room for someone to be bound up in duct tape and struggling in the back. But really, do I strike anyone as the type to do that?

I mean, come on.



Monday, June 20, 2005

Darn song.. end already! Wait.. is this the next song?

Went for a little 'constitutional' this morning. There was dew all over the ground, making the grass look greenish gray. The fog was so heavy, everything just faded away. I walked past two bunnies. I passed a cute young woman in sweats delivering papers. From her open car door, Tool (aenima) blared. Rock on, Tool-girl!

Well, my sister's gone back home and the place is nice quiet and I can talk to myself and sing off key freely again. I have to take my car in to be fixed up later this morning. The electric windows are sticking, one of the side view mirrors fell out, and the left headlight's plastic cover has gone missing. You'd think I'd notice a headlight cover flying off while I was driving, but I didn't. Who knows where it is now. Poor car.

I'm still copying tapes to mp3. Got a couple dozen out of the way now... little less than halfway done. Back in the early 90's I used to enjoy new age music- well, I still do, but just not that often, and I haven't bought any in forever. The problem with a lot of these new age tapes is one song tends to blend into the other without many clear demarcations. And since they're mostly instrumental, the titles given to them make little to no sense. I mean, for instance, a song with nothing but taiko drums is pretty easy to pick out on a hypothetical new age tape as the one titled 'Bamboo Forest'. It sounds bamboo-ey. But when you have 20 minutes of what is supposed to be 7 tracks and it all sounds very similar, it's quite a challenge to pick out where 'Silver Dancing Ladies' ends and 'Moonlit Streams' begins. How am I supposed to know? What the heck does a silver dancing lady sound like, anyway? Well, apparently it sounds absolutely nothing like you'd expect. Very confusing. Did these artists actually have these titles in mind while composing, or was it just a thrown together afterthought made up like those sentance fragment fridge magnets?

The last resort is to just tape the whole side nonstop and title it as side A. But I just hate doing that. Part of the convenience of mp3's is being able to pick out one song and listen to it and not have to scan through 30 minutes of music to find it. Furthermore, I'm hardly anal-retentive but I do take a certain mental satisfaction in compartmentalizing things. My DVD's are arranged by genre, my books by author, and my porn into it's own little fetishes and niches. Heck, my Bondage folder alone has 13 directories, with 28 subcategories. It's just sort of a necessity when there's 1000's and 1000's of pictures. I'd never have a hope of find a specific sort of thing that I was looking for if I didn't have some basic sorting system. So anyway, this tendancy makes me want to be able to seperate and title these darn new age songs, but they're thwarting me at every turn. Midnight Candle Dance, indeed. Could've sworn it was Sand Dune Aria II.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

little bit of cleaning

My sister is coming into town this weekend and staying here, so I have to clean the house up a bit and hide the stray floggers. My sister's cool with it, but she doesn't like to *see* it, so I do her a favor by not showing off the latest equipment. There's some movies I'd like to rent, but every time I go to the store they've been checked out.. for weeks. That's annoying when you want to see something. The store orders like 70 copies of some stupid kung fu chimpanzee movie and 3 copies of anything remotely interesting. Oh well. At least my tape transfers are going smoothly, and that's keeping me pretty occupied.

Evil Dolly's Recipe of the Day: Tater tot casserole. Tastes kinda like a shephard's pie. Gray a pound of meat, mix in a bowl with 1 can of cream of mushroom and 1 can cream of potato (or cream of chicken, or another cream of mushroom, or whatever your favorite 'cream of' is). Add salt or pepper to taste (do not sprinkle some salt into your hand as a crude for of measurement while forgetting you have a deep papercut in your palm, wince, then thrust your hand under the tap which is spraying scalding water because you were just cleaning the sink a minute ago). Line about half of a 28 oz bag of tater tots on the bottom, top with meat mixture and some grated cheese, layer remaining tots you can fit in on top. Bake in oven 375 for 45 minutes, top with more cheese when done if desired (do not burn your arm on the door of the stove taking it out, because the burn really stings a lot for a really long time).

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I *owned* this tape? What was I thinking?

I took a nap earlier, just to refresh myself a bit, and ended up having archetypal stress dream. Wandering the halls of my old high school and realizing that finals were in progress and I had no idea where any of my classes were, or even *what* my classes were... scrambling frantically to and fro trying find out where I was supposed to be, knowing I had already missed out on some. I found a classroom with people that seemed familiar, I think it was some literature class, and remembering that I had attended a few classes that semester and I would have no idea what was on the test. Going to sleep can be such a relief, but sometimes, waking up can be a bigger one.

I started a small project just a few hours ago. Like most people my age, I have a bunch of cassette tapes of my old music. I don't think I even got a cd player until I was 17 or so (and at that time cd's were still fairly new and came in these big cardboard sleeves twice the size of the cd so you couldn't steal them). I thought I would try to convert some of these old tapes to mp3 to have them in a more a permanent media. So now I have an old tape player frankensteined up to my computer and I downloaded a (free) music recorder. So far the results haven't been great, but most of the technical jargon I've looked at on how to improve them has gone over my head by like 2 miles (or 41826 Hz), so I'll just leave them as is. I could probably get all these songs easier and with higher quality by just downloading them, but I'm stupid, so I think I'll keep recording. It makes me feel as if I'm actually doing something productive.

Saturday, June 11, 2005


This evening I had a black walnut malt while listening to the first cicada of the year. I just love cicada sounds. It always makes me feel summery and nostalgic. And everything tastes better in a malt.

Sometimes I think I should live a more fancy, exciting, stressful life just so that I would have more to write about on here. Cicadas and malts, indeed. That's not interesting writing! Alas. Sometimes, I just feel my life is on hold until I get a good slave. That's probably a very co-dependent way to live... that is, needing someone else to feel purpose. But that's just the way it is.

Make a fire for a man and he'll be warm all night.
Set a man on fire and he be warm for the rest of his life.

Monday, June 6, 2005

Storm chaser

Yesterday was an odd day. Started with a dream about lesbian-envy, and another dream where someone was trying to drown me. Then I tried to cut back some ivy that's been getting a little out of control, using a weedeater I found in the shed. The ivy stems are so thick that the weedeater wire kept breaking, and I had to stop and replace it about 5 times while getting attacked by mosquitos.

Just got back from a walk minutes ahead of a gathering storm. My favorite time to be outside is before a storm. I always go outside if only for a few minutes when there's one approaching. It's just such a feeling of imminence: the strong wind, leaves rustling, the ominous clouds, the rumble of distant thunder. I got home just before the lightning got here.

And now it's pouring down rain by the bucket. Good timing! Although, I already watered the lawn today thinking it was getting too dry.