I've been in a bit of a funk today. I got my hair done (and they always cut off more than I want them to, wherever I go). But it still pretty much looks the same. I hate my hair. It's long since I've been growing it since I graduated from high school--an all boys high school that forced you to cut it really short)--and it's really thick and curly. But I can't *do* anything with it. No one can, apparently. When it's down, it's a great, frizzy, muddy blondy browny mane. So I just keep it in a ponytail all the time. I wish I could have pretty, shiny, wavy hair. (In a perfect world, I'd like Betty Page hair.. aah). But that got me to thinking about how much I have to do, how far I have to go try to and make myself someday look the way I feel inside. Sigh. And I fear I might be lonely until then.. since a girl who wants a woman wants someone who *looks* like a woman. I can't offer that yet, not really. Such a long way to go. I almost had a crying jag over it. Dommes can cry too!
But if I dwell on that too long I'll go nuts, or give it
all up and live in a darkened room and gorge on cheesecake til I'm 500
lbs (hm, maybe there's a story idea in there somewhere). *So*... gotta
be productive. I just replaced the latch and lock on the back shed that
has been lockless for like 2 years. I'm forming more solid plans for my
future dungeon, even had a scene-friendly construction fellow over to
look at what might be done. Mostly, it's nothing drastic, but the room I
intend to use hasn't been updated since the 70's. In desperate need of
new lighting, carpet, paint, drapes, etc.
But that got me think
of converting the room next to it into *another* dungeon. Stop me, I'm
mad! Actually neither of these would be 'dungeons' per se, just play
rooms. Alas, I don't have a basement to make a neat dungeon out of.
anyway, to do that will require getting rid of a ton of old furniture
and stuff to make more storage space in other rooms. I've just started a
task I've been putting off, which is to sort through an old store room
down here. It was originally designed it as a darkroom, but it's just
been a storeroom for about 27 years. There's a lot of stuff in there I
don't need, so I have to go through it, piece by piece. Ah well, it
gets my mind off of other things.
I know my pet girl is out there... somewhere.