sniff

In the process of cleaning out that closet, I came across a pile of love letters between my parents. Mostly from my mom to my dad, dated in the 60's and 70's. She loved him so much. I believe they got married when she was 18 or 19, thich is pretty young to get married nowadays. Strange to see my mother writing all lovey-dovey (Me wub oo!) hehe. She sounded like a cutie-pie. But it's also kinda sad. I guess in 20 years their marriage had gone from one like that to almost a marriage of convenience. They didn't even sleep in the same room for much of my childhood. It wasn't bitter or anything, just very distant. Is that always the fate of love? To fade away?


I hope not.

A sad day.. or a productive day?

I've been in a bit of a funk today. I got my hair done (and they always cut off more than I want them to, wherever I go). But it still pretty much looks the same. I hate my hair. It's long since I've been growing it since I graduated from high school--an all boys high school that forced you to cut it really short)--and it's really thick and curly. But I can't *do* anything with it. No one can, apparently. When it's down, it's a great, frizzy, muddy blondy browny mane. So I just keep it in a ponytail all the time. I wish I could have pretty, shiny, wavy hair. (In a perfect world, I'd like Betty Page hair.. aah). But that got me to thinking about how much I have to do, how far I have to go try to and make myself someday look the way I feel inside. Sigh. And I fear I might be lonely until then.. since a girl who wants a woman wants someone who *looks* like a woman. I can't offer that yet, not really. Such a long way to go. I almost had a crying jag over it. Dommes can cry too!

But if I dwell on that too long I'll go nuts, or give it all up and live in a darkened room and gorge on cheesecake til I'm 500 lbs (hm, maybe there's a story idea in there somewhere). *So*... gotta be productive. I just replaced the latch and lock on the back shed that has been lockless for like 2 years. I'm forming more solid plans for my future dungeon, even had a scene-friendly construction fellow over to look at what might be done. Mostly, it's nothing drastic, but the room I intend to use hasn't been updated since the 70's. In desperate need of new lighting, carpet, paint, drapes, etc.

But that got me think of converting the room next to it into *another* dungeon. Stop me, I'm mad! Actually neither of these would be 'dungeons' per se, just play rooms. Alas, I don't have a basement to make a neat dungeon out of.
But anyway, to do that will require getting rid of a ton of old furniture and stuff to make more storage space in other rooms. I've just started a task I've been putting off, which is to sort through an old store room down here. It was originally designed it as a darkroom, but it's just been a storeroom for about 27 years. There's a lot of stuff in there I don't need, so I have to go through it, piece by piece. Ah well, it gets my mind off of other things.

I know my pet girl is out there... somewhere.

hic

Great, I just got the hiccups like two minutes ago. This could take a while. Just got back from a walk, which wasn't such a great idea. It's cold out there! My eardrums are burning. My poor bulbs keep trying to grow but then get frosted all over again.

Had an unusual day yesterday. Got interviewed by a college student I know for a senior thesis. The topic was on gender and such. I had to recount my past and explain my nature. Didn't take that long hehe. But how many people can boast they're a thesis topic? I guess I'm just that weird.

Woke up after a strange dream. I ordered a cage by mail from this guy, but turns out the guy had been kidnapping girls and brainwashing them; I guess he was some kind of serial killer or somethin. I realized, looking through the receipts, that I had accidentally ordered one of those girls with the cage. I panicked, trying to destroy the evidence, fearing that I would get tied to it uninentionally. Skip to having some guests over, a few men and women, and I noticed that a boat trailer with the cage strapped down to it had been delivered and left there. Someone got the cage inside the house but I couldn't see inside the cage because it was all wrapped up in leather. I guessed she had been shipped across country in that thing like that. I went upstairs and was freaking out while one of the guys opened the thing and said something about a smelly corpse. More freaking out as I tried to think of what I should do, and how the heck was I going to get rid of a body. I went down to look, and there was a girl who had been dressed in a Hooters uniform (?) laying there on the floor outside the cage. Then her hands started fluttering and I saw she wasn't dead, just unconscious, possibly from dehydration. She started to come to and I was patting her cheeks and I think someone gave her mouth-to-mouth to get her breathing. She coughed and moaned and opened her eyes, and immediately started smiling, just happy to be there, cause she was like totally brainwashed and everything. So I guess it was a happy ending.

blah

I've just been kinda blah lately. Not depressed, or even in a rut, just kinda listless. But things are turning around a bit.. got some nice furniture coming, and I've started writing again. I guess I've just been kinda lonesome. Even monsters need love.. heehee. Valentine's day doesn't help. Funny, valentines always reminds me of those grade school parties, where you decorate your paper bag/card receptical and tape it to the front of your desk. Oh and arranging those sugar-dusty candy hearts into strange phrases. I shall drown my blahs in some rented movies and a pizza.

dreams

Had an odd dream just before I woke up. I was in a hotel room and I was preparing to visit an old domme of mine. I showered and the tub was stopped up, so the water got up to the top of the tub. When I got out I noticed there was a bunch of crawdads in the water, just kinda swimming around. I was getting dressed and the domme came banging on the door, insisting I come out. I was flustered, since I was only half dressed and in a bathrobe, but I put a whole bunch of keys in my pocket and went out anyway. I noticed she had a rifle with her, and she led me to a out front and she took a shotgun from the back seat and gave it to me. I was nervous, and getting more nervous, and she demanded I walk 300 feet away. I started crying, wanting to know why and was she going to shoot me. She just kept insisting and I started walking down the street. But I was getting too freaked out and kinda shifted into another dream, where I was laying in my bed. Although it was dark, I noticed the silhouette of a rather large spider, with spindly legs and the body the size of a jumbo shrimp climbing down a web at an angle above my bed. It was kinda aiming for the pillows beside me. I noticed I had a few strands of spiderweb over my body.. only a few, but they were really strong and I had to strain to break them one by one. I was doing it carefully so as not to disturb the spider. It kept getting closer so I tried to roll out of bed, but there were still some strands left, and my pulling broke the spider's strand and it fell onto the bed near me. I grabbed an empty mountain dew can off the nightstand and tried to smash it, but I missed. I think that just made it angry. As it skittered onto my leg, I forced myself to wake up, breathing all heavy.

An oral surgeon IMed me. I asked if he could give a girl dental implants, like little cat fangs. I think I disturbed him.

I think fangs would be cute.

Another lengthy absence

I'm sick :(

At least it's not the flu, but colds are nothing to shake a stick at. Try it. Shake a stick at one. Won't do you any good. Just make your arm tired. Anyway, I'm on the mend.

Let's see, what's new. Well, my best friend is preggers again. Bun in the oven! That'll make me an auntie twice over. Evil auntie. Just as the first one, who is now four, no longer makes startling and unpleasant odors and can actually carry on a coherent conversation (she actually has a great vocabulary), another one comes along and the process starts all over. Another couple years of diapers, screaming fits, and exhausted friends irritable from lack of sleep. The joy of birth.

There's the artist, Alan Clark, who I discovered at the art show of a small local sci fi convention when I was about 15. I got a few of his prints, and gathered a few more over the years when I could find them. The other week I found he had a website, so I ordered a whole bunch of prints. The next morning he called me up and thanked me. That's like getting a phone call from your favorite writer, thanking you for being a reader. I was chuffed all day long.

Evil Dolly's Toy Recommendation of the Day: Giant Microbes! They're plush! Give your friend the gift of an earache. What better way to say I Love You than with a fuzzy Mono? Tell your boss exactly how you feel with an endearing, big-eyed ulcer bacteria. Their site is giantmicrobes.com. They're cute!

A New Year

Well, let's see. It's been a couple weeks since I've written. Mainly that's simply because nothing very interesting has been going on. There was xmas, of course, which I spent alone because it was all snowy and icy here. Watched the snow start to come down and a dense flurry, and by the next day everything was white. It was pretty cool, even tho I was trapped here on the hill for 3 or 4 days. It reminded me of being a child... when we'd go out and sled down the hill for hours, come inside and throw our soaking clothes in the dryer while we drank cidery tea, then back into the still-wet clothes to go back outside and do it all over again. At least I didn't slip on the ice and give myself a concussion like I did a few years ago. I don't mind lotsa snow, cause it doesn't knock out my electricity like ice storms. This was like the 9th white xmas here in 100 years. And yet, just a week after, it's up in the 60's, and the ground is all sweaty.

My sister and her husband did arrive in town after xmas, they got held back due to snow. They always stay in the guest bedroom here. I decided to have my few remaining relatives come over for a visit.. so I had to cook for 10. It was a bit crowded over here. It's funny to see my aunt nowadays. She was always a demure, quiet, motherly type. Now in her 50's, she's become a heavily-tattooed biker chick. Didn't bat an eye at the rings imbedded in my ceiling, either.